its been a long time since i've blogged, but who's counting?

1...2....3...4...5.... erm crap i lost count.

anyways, in the light of my chinese exam tomorrow, the chinese illiterate may be panicking and counting their demise.

chinese illiterate meaning the people who have 0-10% knowledge of chinese words and stuff and are inevitably going to fail (namely, me).

not to worries! i, lennard, will reveal several techniques and methods that are sure-fai- erm pass! with no strings attached, the non-chinese chinese can now learn to score without studying harder.

the one thing that moe did right (for onc- erm i mean manymany times) was to change the chinese paper exam format so as to make it "impossible" to study using the textbook! this was a mile-stone in history for the non-chinese chinese, who prior to this, had to contend with the fact that they could have passed had they studied.

now, they'll still fail, but at least they can comfort themselves that they couldn't help it!

anyways, back to my chinese techniques. *disclaimer, this is meant for the chinese hopeless hopeless, not meant for people who are actually GOOD in chinese, meaning if you get higher than an f9, do not attempt to follow these techniques. you'll see why soon enough*

CHINESE CLOZE PASSAGE TECHNIQUES
description: a chinese comphrehension passage where the examiners somehow manage to forget to put in several key words and phrases. its bad enough that they expect YOU to put in for them, but the worse trouble is, they kinda forget which word it was, soooo they HAD to mix them up with three other words. Oh yeah, and they're too lazy to add in more questions so they just call THAT as questions and change the name to cloze passage, cos its shorter to write.

technique 1: choose the words you learnt during the semester
effectiveness: 0/10. (so, what words HAVE you learnt during the semester? NEXT!)

technique 2: choose the words that look the hardest to write.
effectiveness: depends on your teacher's vocab

if you have a teacher whose chinese vocab everyone finds difficult to understand (you'll know if in the 1 min you're awake during chinese class you happen to see everyone looking stumped, and the teacher's mouth is moving), effectiveness : 6/10

if you are able make out a few key words that the teacher says while talking to you, besides your name; like parents, and call, and fail, effectiveness: 2/10

(personally, this is my favourite technique, but thats not a good weighing point cos i get higher when i put all aaaaaaaaaa or bbbbbbbbb or ccccccccccccc)

technique 3: random draw

this is by far the fastest technique, especially reccomended for buffer time during the exams for more sleep, but there are pre-requisites. a dice is required, though if you want to be creative, some ideas are spinning dials, writing random numbers on paper and moving your finger randomly to one of them, or the old favourite: eenie-meennie-miinie-mo (though that has a slight disadvantage because all your answers would be coincidentally the same)

with this techniques, there is a very strong chance (40%) that you'll be able to score a mark greater than the usual 0. Think smart- work smart! And you just might be able to scrap through chinese. (like how that pig could fly.... oh wait that never happened....)