lenny/me

chinese oral tips

2007-07-04T06:00:00.000-07:00

Alright, had my o level chinese oral today. in the 3rd installment of me teaching everyone how to score in chinese, i shall now give you the top 5 things you MUST not do in chinese o level orals. (having done them myself, i garuantee that it really doesn't help you) i helped rank these in importance NOT to do.

Top 5 Things NOT to do in Chinese O level Orals

#Tip 5: Come unprepared for the Chinese O level Orals.

#Tip 4: Wear below-the-waist pants, a crumpled shirt, basically the sloppy look

#Tip 3: Wear a fake smile that people have encouraged you to practise to give that oh so important first impression. Trust me on this, in the end the practised smile would mutate into a ghoulish sneer, or you would look like someone in the dentist room showing off his teeth.

#Tip 2: Eat really spicy curry stuff before the examination, giving you stomach cramps and a fiercy, parched throat.

NUMBER ONE THING NOT TO DO IN THE CHINESE ORAL O LEVEL EXAMINATION

firstly i had practised a very important phrase (so i'm told) that yunhui told me to absolutely say before i say anything else after they gave me the topic to discuss on.

"it's essential that you give a good first impression to the teachers. [especially since you have nothing else to give]"

(she didn't really say the part bracketted [ ] but those are put when the quote is not complete or does not make sense [to the reader] )

so anyways i painstakingly devoted a large portion of my sleeping time before my turn came to memorising the 11 chinese words, (yes, i counted)

well, my turn came. the examiner gave me the topic.
( i shall translate what i've said from chinese to english)

Examiner: Recently there has been reports of teenage guys and girls in school uniform being intimate in public. please share your views.

lennard: (i say the 11 words i memorise) Regarding this topic, I have many opinions.

lennard: *pauses for a while*

lennard: erm.. could you repeat the topic again?

there you have it, the number 1 thing never to do in the chinese o level oral examination.

wordy time

2007-06-24T03:10:00.001-07:00

a *poke* to tuck yan and his tag, it's MY blog and i post at MY own time! wahahaha.

i am in control! i have -complete- power.

the world is mine!!!!

before my little obession of power hungriness deteriorates to debauchery, i shall divert this newfound attention into doing something of dire importance.

yes, you've probably guessed it. wait, i probably should rephrase "dire importance" into "importance", or most of you would have guessed, (correctly), eating.

anyways the matter of importance is... creating new words. yes, this is no laughing matter. many a time we are forced to make long draggy sentences to explain emotions/happenings/nouns/etc that no word can aptly describle.

so, instead of making long senteces to describe something no one understands, it is far more convenient and time-saving to produce an equivilant word that no one understands, eh?

alright, here are some words, complete with type, pronounciation and meaning, that i have thought and processed with great care, and you may use it if you wish. (of course you do, right? right?) i hereby give, the len-tionary!

Animaese [An-nee-may-esse]
Noun
1. The Japanese language aquired watching many anime series. Vocabularly is usually constricted and centered to the more popular phrases that are repeated regularly, and people usually use animaese in parts rather than a whole conversation. Animaese though derived from Japanese is, contrary to popular belief, not to be confused with Japanese, as people who practise animaese usually alter/distort heavily the pronounciation of the same word.

2. A particular race whose people are devout in anime. They are adapt in the language animaese, usually take on a second name after their favourite anime character, and are irritated endlessly when people poke fun of their favourite anime.

on a separate but related account, i recently annoyed a marvel comics enthusiast when he exclaimed that flash was more powerful than superman, to which though i couldn't care less, out of the need of something fun to do i insisted that superman was more powerful. We launched into a heated debate (the heat coming from his side mostly), him giving "logical in marvel comics context" points to supplment his argument , and me giving radical answers like, "but... superman is superstrong" or, "superman can fly but flash can't, and flying is so much fun and powerful"

this isn't very good for the len-tionary, but just going to stop here (a matter of dire importance has risen, and if you read what i wrote earlier in the post, you would probably know what). erm... bye now

chinese compo

2007-05-06T07:37:00.000-07:00

haha. i hardly EVER do a continuation post, (only about twice so far), but since i had nothing of vital importance except my mid year exams 3 days hence, i decided to just give additional techniques for chinese!

oh yes, i just took my chinese paper last friday, and it was superb. my composition was a piece of an artistic genius: the topic was on a moment of folly you had done in your life which you regretted , and apparently my moment of folly happened during the japanese occupation.

hmm? composition out of point? you must be joking. anyways my 2nd paper was as much of a success, but i realised that i havent touched on the techniques on how to answer chinese comprehension open-ended!

to avoid doing what i -ALMOST- did, that was to answer questions one to five in this order:
1. wo bu zhi dao (i don't know)
2. wo ye bu zhi dao (i also don't know)
3. wo hai si bu zhi dao (i still don't know)
4. wo zhen de bu zhi dao (i really don't know!)
5. wo yong yuan bu zhi dao (i won't know forever)

of course i didn't want my head to be chopped off by the teacher, so fortunately i chickened out and use this techniques instead.

CHINESE COMPREHENSION OPEN-ENDED TECHNIQUES

first off, yes this is more complicated than just your mcq, because more than a technique, it also happens to be a step-by-step process. now, before you rush to complete the questions, you must at least have a hint of WHAT the passage is talking about.

shocked? surprised? yeah, thats one of the reasons why they call it comprehension. you say you'll never know what the passage is talking about! not to worry! memorise these various senarios.

1. highlight, or if you're too lazy, look out for the "i"s. not the letter i, mind you, the chinese i, or myself. no not me as in me, the...arghh you know what im talking about.
anyways, if the passage has a lot of is, its very probably a narrative, which means the author is
a. trying to write a sob/inspirational/nice/etc. story about himself.
b. trying to write a sob/inspirational/nice/etc. story about other ppl he knows.

Ok, if we eliminated the possibility that its a narrative, now comes the tricky part. knowing if its a newspaper report, or talking about events or random things, or even fantasy stories like, say, some pencil talking to the eraser and aruging about stupid stuff. (usually these stories would have a moral behind it, like, don't use the pencil tip as an erasor).
if its a
newspaper article discussion- you see lots of one-way conversations? most probably people getting interviewed!

talking about events or random things- look out for they key words. "i think", "i believe", "people feel", "people think" oh, how to find out what's the topic of discussion? ask your friends about it after the paper.

fantasy stories- usually these kind of stories are the hardest because usually they come of with lots of new names and terms that people who actually mug chinese are not sure of, so the rule of thumb is this: if you come across a passage and have used the above ways to comprehend, but to no avail, its definately a fantasy story.

ok, now how to answer questions!

technique 1: paragraph-by-paragraph.
for question 1, copy the first paragraph.
question 2, copy the 2nd paragraph.
question 3, copy the 3rd paragraph.

and so on, but stop and skip a paragraph if they ask you "meaning questions" or "what do you think" questions.

eg. if they ask you a meaning question at 3, DO-NOT COPY the 3rd paragraph, (technique on how to answer would be taught shortly), but for question 4 copy the 4th paragraph. easy, no?)

technique 2: answering meaning questions
alright usually for meaning questions you have quite a safe net- 0% chance of knowing the meaning. so, in the event that you don't know the meaning, follow this.

a. if the meaning of 2 words are asked- random any noun/verb/adverb
b. 4 words are asked- random any sayings/proverbs.
c. a whole chunk of words are asked- leave it blank. ok fine, write a whole chunk of words that you don't understand back to teach them a lesson.

technique 3: answering "what do you think?" questions
usually the safest way is to put "i agree" as your first sentence, though the teacher may bluff you that both may be liable alternatives, it probably takes 10 times the effort to write no than yes. anyways

1. copy the last paragraph. (usually they conclude and give all sorts of opinions)
2. try to pick out one or two words that you understand and write from there.
(for example, for my chinese paper i failed to understand all but the last 4 words, "still can be saved", so i wrote "yes, because i believe that people can turn over a new leaf". ok, maybe later on my friends had no idea what i was writing about because they claimed the question asked a totally different thing, but at least i was close!)

all these techniques are fail-proof, having been tried and tested by none other than a professional- me. my credidentials are be noteworthy, and my chinese teacher is always begging to see my parents cos' of the loads of great things she has to tell them about me. =)

damn, im good.

chinese stuff

2007-05-03T05:26:00.000-07:00

its been a long time since i've blogged, but who's counting?

1...2....3...4...5.... erm crap i lost count.

anyways, in the light of my chinese exam tomorrow, the chinese illiterate may be panicking and counting their demise.

chinese illiterate meaning the people who have 0-10% knowledge of chinese words and stuff and are inevitably going to fail (namely, me).

not to worries! i, lennard, will reveal several techniques and methods that are sure-fai- erm pass! with no strings attached, the non-chinese chinese can now learn to score without studying harder.

the one thing that moe did right (for onc- erm i mean manymany times) was to change the chinese paper exam format so as to make it "impossible" to study using the textbook! this was a mile-stone in history for the non-chinese chinese, who prior to this, had to contend with the fact that they could have passed had they studied.

now, they'll still fail, but at least they can comfort themselves that they couldn't help it!

anyways, back to my chinese techniques. *disclaimer, this is meant for the chinese hopeless hopeless, not meant for people who are actually GOOD in chinese, meaning if you get higher than an f9, do not attempt to follow these techniques. you'll see why soon enough*

CHINESE CLOZE PASSAGE TECHNIQUES
description: a chinese comphrehension passage where the examiners somehow manage to forget to put in several key words and phrases. its bad enough that they expect YOU to put in for them, but the worse trouble is, they kinda forget which word it was, soooo they HAD to mix them up with three other words. Oh yeah, and they're too lazy to add in more questions so they just call THAT as questions and change the name to cloze passage, cos its shorter to write.

technique 1: choose the words you learnt during the semester
effectiveness: 0/10. (so, what words HAVE you learnt during the semester? NEXT!)

technique 2: choose the words that look the hardest to write.
effectiveness: depends on your teacher's vocab

if you have a teacher whose chinese vocab everyone finds difficult to understand (you'll know if in the 1 min you're awake during chinese class you happen to see everyone looking stumped, and the teacher's mouth is moving), effectiveness : 6/10

if you are able make out a few key words that the teacher says while talking to you, besides your name; like parents, and call, and fail, effectiveness: 2/10

(personally, this is my favourite technique, but thats not a good weighing point cos i get higher when i put all aaaaaaaaaa or bbbbbbbbb or ccccccccccccc)

technique 3: random draw

this is by far the fastest technique, especially reccomended for buffer time during the exams for more sleep, but there are pre-requisites. a dice is required, though if you want to be creative, some ideas are spinning dials, writing random numbers on paper and moving your finger randomly to one of them, or the old favourite: eenie-meennie-miinie-mo (though that has a slight disadvantage because all your answers would be coincidentally the same)

with this techniques, there is a very strong chance (40%) that you'll be able to score a mark greater than the usual 0. Think smart- work smart! And you just might be able to scrap through chinese. (like how that pig could fly.... oh wait that never happened....)

happy everything

2007-01-15T04:23:00.000-08:00

alright, its 15 days too late, but merry christmas and happy new year!

before anyone starts dishing out ridicule, i shall say happy chinese new year in advance =)

ben, as in benxie, was bugging me all christmas week to get him a "bigggg christmas prezzie" in payment for making him tag along while i went shopping for presents for various people.

why do you need a big present for, i said, after all you're ____________________

i shant elaborate on what i said, but, a RANDOM trival about ben is that he's, *ahem*, kinda SHOR-... VERTICALLY CHALLENGED, so much that i poke fun of him all the time. or at least i try to, cos i keep missing.

(heehee notice my joke out of my joke)

sorry, its just that i like to make fun of people shorter than me.
(if my cousin, monsey reads this, now you know why =) )

or taller than me.

its just sooooo irritating! why cant everyone be my height? maybe just a teennnyyyy bit shorter.

alright before i go on digressing, ben said... alright you guys don't really want to hear what he said so ill skip on to what i said.

lennard: okkk then can i get you a cupboard box? its kinda big... for you?
benxie: [censored]
lennard: alright then what do you want!
benxie: i dunno, just get me a nice present =)

alright, fast forward to christmas.... actually, fast forward to just yesterday, cause i was only able to give him the present then.

(speech is slightly edited)
lennard: alright you asked for a big present. check.
AND you are always saying that you'll grow taller than me, so, here!

(ben takes out present to find...an XL long sleeve shirt that can't even fit my other 178cm tall friend. )

(ben is still speechless and laughing, so i continue)
lennard: when you become big enough, go wear it ^^

thus i give ben the potentially most memorable gift of his life. as well as the biggest.

no idea

2006-12-04T17:41:00.000-08:00

hmm tuck yan says i need to blog about my phone, so yeah i got a new phone.

actually not a new phone anymore, cause its a month old, so its RELATIVELY new, and im not telling anyone online that my phone is a nokia series!

oh shoots.

never mind, i won't divulge on the model.

some random thing i would blog about today is opening a lime popsicle with vanilla ice cream inside and finding....not a cockroach...not a lizard....not a rat...

yes.... worse than all these (or maybe not) was a

*dum de dum dum* (vain attempt at drumroll since i know nuts about drums)

DISFIGURED POPSICLE

yes don't look so shocked, or -_______________________- <=== don't have a clue what they name this emotion, incredulious seems too mild, hmm lamed out maybe? in typical singlish langauge we call it DIAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

ANYWAYS back to my disfigured popsicle. yes! it was not just any disfigurment! the ENTIRE body was DISTORTED, WARPED BEYOND RECONIGNITION! Basically, the supposed to be rectanglish popsicle turned squarish, vanillia ice cream was strewn outside the popsicle, into the wrappings of the... the... it doesn't deserve the name of popsicle, so, the wrappings of the DISFIGURED POPSICLE!

sorry, as you can now conclude, i harbour a strong discrimination against disfigured popsicles! why are they made in the first place! i hate EVERYTHING about them! the appearance, the colour, the feel, their hair...

ok, so they have no hair! thats why i hate them! finding reasons for what you discriminate comes too easy =)

the next time i find a disfigured popsicle in my fridge again, ill....ill....eat it faster! humph such a culinary disaster doesn't, *chomp chomp eats the disfigured popsicle normally*, deserve to be savoured.

unwise saying

2006-10-09T05:27:00.000-07:00

so there's all this talk about what sentence most inspired you and stuff. but lets think, what about those sentences that were MOST uninspiring, so much that they were?

i shall pause for a moment to let that sink in.

*moment*

remember now? yes... i see through your obvious facade of feigning comprehension when in reality you actually have no idea what the HELL im saying.

damn im good =P

my narcisistic comment aside, some most uninspiring sentences which inspired me.

uninspring sentence 1:

my church youth leader alan just got married to natasha (not sure about the spelling and stuff)so as tradition, they were invited to one of the youth big group sessions to get interviewed.

so happened that the interviewer was my dg leader, mark. alright so far so good. he asks interesting and relevent questions, then comes the bomb.

mark: so.. what attracted you to each other?
alan and natasha: (instintively) oh.... the mole!
natasha: you see, alan and i both have a mole at this point of our face (they point) and moles in england were considered to be beauty spots, so i thought well, we were just meant to be!
(audience awws and giggles)

so, mark, looking for an equally witty and charming thing to say, found the perfect comment.

mark: (smiling)oh, you know, i actually have a mole on my middle finger...

uninspiring comment 2:

my family goes out to have dinner, and during conversation, my brother pops the question. (not pop THE question, silly, just a question)

brother: mum, what did you write for your resume for your application to mba?
dad: ask ME; i wrote it for her.
brother: ok, dad what did u write?
dad: (shrugs) dunno, cant remember.

uninspring comment 3:

while watching a soccer match, my dad actually says this:
"this team would want to win."
*pauses*
"actually the other team would also want to win"

alright ill get back with more uninspring inspring comments!

boo!

2006-08-11T22:03:00.000-07:00

digged this up a while ago, i wrote it a few months back, feb i would think. so its some recollection of the war mournument in singapore we visited. its a haiku or whatever =)

The War Mournument (duh)

The War Mournument
Mourning Air force, Navy, Land
Terrible Memoirs.

Captured perfectly
Times of turmoil and hardship
The mood turns solemn.

Sacrifices made
Some successful, some in vain,
Though all heroic.

Battles, trench warfares
Many were killed, more were maimed
All for their country.

The bag piper plays
As the flags flow high, today
Remembering all

All men who have fought
To protect our heritage
We salute them all.

END

generation gap

2006-08-09T03:54:00.000-07:00

i wasn't aware of the generation gap between my father and us (maybe it was self denial) but it became self evident one day in the car.

we were listening to hillsong's new album song, take it all, and the chrous is something like

"jesus i'm living for you now. take take take it all, take take take it all!"

this is what my father thought it sounded like

"take take take it OFF. take take take it OFF!"

oh my gosh. a wholesome christian song has been degraded to, well, i dunno a striptease song?

amidst the laughter in the car, it dawned on me that this gap is a two way thing. i mean, during his time in the university days, there was one song which he always listened to, and it went like this

"its a not so bad! you shut up your mouth!"

im told its a satire of italian moms scolding their sons. how it became a top hit? yes, it eludes me too.

of course, i just realised i'd rather listen to it than what my itune is playing now. want to guess what it is? ill give you a hint: the lyrics have probably been memorised as much as the "if you're happy and you know it clap your hands" song.

yes its the damn high school musical song. PLEASE!!! NOT ANOTHER PEEP! NOT ANOTHER SOUND! NONONO! IF YOU WANT TO BE COOL, FOLLOW ONE SIMPLE RULE STOP SINGING HIGHSCHOOL MUSICAL SONGS!

alright replying tags

2006-07-26T08:00:00.000-07:00

alright, i've decided to reply my long rusty tagboard.

though i have no idea how replying it will make it unrusty.

note i'm being spaz because i made a literal reply to a metaphorical statement.

note i'm being spaz by saying this.

before i get pelted with rotton tomatoes or my green apple whom i always punch at the end of my blog entry starts to whimper in dreadful anticipation, i shall just get on with it =P

shuyi: hah!! i knew it all along (not) *makes plans to kill nat*
sihui: haha right we did see each other a bit during the hols and stuff, miss u guys too
keith: yerps thanks buddy for the great times and no thanks for the bad times =D. lol just kidding dude see me every friday!
allicia: haha miss u too! hey sorry that u din have a chance to tell me whatever u wanted to at the bbq. u can like tell me anytime :)
germ: ohh on youth day right? haha din except to see u too.
fish: yeah it was great to get to know u better too. take care and stuff k?
tuck yan: yes...tuck indians may read my blog too ya know

yay all done! ok green apple, come a little closer, i've got a little something for you....

hsm part 2

2006-07-25T06:20:00.000-07:00

k this is a continuation from the previous post.

well high school musical isn't bad by itself, but it has given rise to several problems-myths in life, fan and non-fans alike.

so those of you high school musical soaring flyingly fans, listen up!

hsm song fact 1: It gives an aura of confidence and takes away shame. Also deludes people into beliving that they can sing as well as zac efron or vannessa

result: makes people sing aloud (believe you me aloud is LOUD) with unbridled spirit. simply put, it gives people within listening perimeters headaches.

hsm song fact 2: Singing it again and again does not make the song nicer and nicer for some people!

result: headaches leads to migraines. migraines lead to insanity. insanity leads to suffering.

anyways i shall quote a very famous person who thinks this way too.

"enveloped in the dark force of the high school musical song this school is"

(yoda dude: said the crap in your greenish blog i have. 5000 credits you must pay me now)

(err.. accept you credit the card eeee? k i'm not good at speaking your lingo little man)

(yoda dude: little man you call me? @#!@( is what you are. duel we must!)

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh sorry got to go.

stupid hsm song!

2006-07-25T03:05:00.000-07:00

hmm i haven't blogged for 3 months but suddenly i have the obligation to do so. nay, the urge.

today, after headachey school and topped with tuition, i embarked on my usual walk of solice back home from cold storage jelita. as i neared henry park primary school, however, my ears picked out something which made me dread stepping into my house recently.

"SOARINGGGGG. FLYINGGGGGGGGG. THERE'S KNOT ARRR STARRERRR IN HAVANNNNN WE CAN'T SCREECHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

note that i was not even in the school compound. oh bugger.

this song, if you would call it that, has been played more times than the national anthem (with all due respect)which we sing everyday, notably with more (shudder) reverence.

you've been guilty, haven't you? yes readers, those of you who scoffed at my rheotorical question while unconsiously twitching your brows (and your lips, cause you can't wait to go into another breathtaking solo/duet).

you sing it in the shower, with your friends, at home you pair up with your brother or sister (depending on your sex) and sing at the top of your lungs while jumping about in the bed, antagonising your older brother and driving him out of his wits, forcing him to blast some metal to drown the tune out of his ears and his head. reduce him to shout along with linkin park's one step closer,
("SHUTTTTT UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!! I'M ABOUT TO BREAKKKKKKK!")

yes, you know you've done it, you son of a gun! after a few weeks of enduring cherry hell, i seriously comtemplated sending a hate letter to zac efron and vannessa anne and tell them how their pretentious cute-acting has ruined my life and wishing them to an eternity of sitting with their fans with undying voices (that doesn't imply good)and not being able to drown the sound!! brahhahahaha.

good thing i chickened out. anyways after watching the movie i discovered to my surprise (or horror, depending on how you look at it) that the song was actually nice. i mean, i heard it thousands of times, maybe from the wrong mouths, but hearing it for real actually made me less adverse to the song.

take note of the word less.

k i shall cut off here to do a continuous post.

messages in card!

2006-04-17T08:40:00.000-07:00

during the fmss 04' batch 1b chalet in 05 (am i confusing you with the numbers) my great buds/classmates gave me a card full of people's personal messages sent to me. i would love to write all of them here but i won't for a few reasons

1. too many and some of you may find it a bore
2. im lazy
3. some are really stupid like "i love you, but mantang loves you more!!" or "you want a banana?"

so i decided to write some random (some intended) ones. so....er..here goes.
( i tried to make the text as unchanged as possible)
From Wee Liang:
Heard ya leaving soon.
Well this is all part of life.
Hope u'll be happy. And
stop calling me Superstar
Tan Wee Liang. Liang (this is because everyone calls him that as he looks like william hung and he looks ga- i mean happy)

From nat:
Hey lenny2zeny!
I (heartshape) you!
- nathanael lee, your boyfren. (WHAT THE CRAP! haha i know he was joking since he's a bobses but still, try to act straight!)

From Meifang:
Hey lennard,
Of the traitor who forced me and karanina to wash plates. ok, been in the same class for exactly a year. Hope you can get good marks for every subject in NUS.

hmm btw i din exactly FORCE them to do that i just used reverse physcology! well it went like this:
it was after lunch on the 2nd day of the chalet and i was asked to clean the dishes. karanina and meifang come into the kitchen as i started washing.
lennard: (looks at them and sighs while washing dishes) i bet you can't clean the dishes as fast as me.
karanina: noooo! says who! (meifang says something but i forgot)
lennard: i mean, you both dun look like the type who cleans dishes.
*karanina: give me the sponge!
lennard:(peering over while she washes) yeah see you're doing it so slow! yeah you're not doing the cups fast enough. you're not (err wait i think i sneaked out at this point)

*there was more dialouge in between actually but i cant remember.

From yibei:
lenny! lame crappy. fun la!
haha =) Stay cute! Although you aren't la. =) jk. I'm
gonna miss you!! every one is! Dun be a nerd k! Take care

From tuck:
Continue the way of bobsism! spead e word! Don't let
the flame die out! Good luck in your new school, you will
really need it!

(yessir i will! gives bobses salute)

From jing ming:
Yo manz, dun worry k? You'll always have friends here dude. Dun
be scared...... Anwyays, Chow! byebye =)
JM from da streez

(er stupid maple craze?)

yeah there's more i want to put but im very tired so maybe next time

random stuff

2006-02-24T09:20:00.000-08:00

currently it is 1 in the morning on saturday and i don't exactly feel like sleeping. yes so i decided to blog.

it has come to my notice (actually it came a veryvery long time ago in kindergarden) that i am extremely careless. some moments i can name:
1.last christmas where jeremy gave me the necklace and i broke in less than 2 seconds after he gave me. you don't believe? well see the following
jeremy: here lenny, your present.
*hands necklace to me and goes back to playing com*
lennard: thanks jeremy. how do you- *PAH* wear it
*i tried to fit it over my head and it broke*
lennard: err jeremy you won't believe it if i told u...

2.when i tripped over a cordless phone

3.when i drank the coloured water in the candle ornament. (it LOOKED like a cocktail at that time)

yesyes i know, there are many others. so let me end of with a famous lamefucious saying on a careless person.

"if you run in front of a speeding car, you will get tired very fast"
moral of the saying: don't be careless and get in front of the speeding car in the first place! okk that doesn't sound right....

replying tags

2006-02-20T03:14:00.000-08:00

as stated from my post i shall reply my tag replies =)

before i reply....i have something very grevious to address you, the readers. something cautostrophic has happened. millions of lives are at stake because of this... it pains me even to say it out loud.

yes...they actually did it. they stopped sponge bob screenings for a while.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

even though sb has been showing repeats since forever sponge bob is worth seeing again and again!

anyways back to replying:
tuck: thought it was nice and white for you? lol
shoe: i agree!
chin: haha ok just did. and you spoke to me on sunday about finding someone to eat lunch with. oh i went to eat with eug and the other sec 4s.
jeremy: err man was this cny when you wrote this? this is bad, haha.
fish: ok just been to your blog too. hope you like your class =)
s-s: whohoooo sarah that's the way!
tuck: haha wonder what happens if some indian read this and finds out who is tuck

yerps that's all.

some random saying from lamefucious:
"if you forget even what you are about to say, you- er... you- errrr ahhhh..... hmmmm"

rama-no-jutso

2006-02-19T03:21:00.000-08:00

yesterday i went to the acjc rama fun fair.

i havent the slightest idea of why its called the rama fun fair (or the fun-o-rama or whatever) because 1. who the heck is rama? 2. i din see him. 3. they should have known someone like me was going to make stupid and lame jokes about rama.

anyways i went there with bryan to the funfair and realised a few things, like people always giving away fish as prizes.

again it eludes me because i have no idea why people would want fish. heh this is excluding jeremy's reason for trying to get fish at farfield's funfair a few years back.

yes its to feed his lung fish.

did i mention i hated that lungfish? just because i gave his tank a friendly shake everytime i walked past him at jeremy's house the lungfish would display his, *snort*, ever so scary attack gills when he sees me.

but enough with digressing, the stupid fish died anyway a few months later, due to exterme stress or something; (i must have visited his house one too many times) so jeremy's funfair ticket money was clearly wasted.

some random thing i would splurt out is that my bro topped fairfield and thus get his wish of seeing his name on the plaque.
my main reason of saying this though is due largely to the fact that band members always top in fairfield but this year 2 bb boys and a bball guy got into top 4, none from band.

why there should be slackers in the army

2006-01-09T18:00:00.000-08:00

slackers, or sluggards are immensely frowned upon in today's society.

or maybe its just the older folks. despite the many warnings about joining this dangerous trap, the brotherhood's growth is exponential, its increase in numbers countless fold.

nah thats just a way of saying everyone is becoming slackers nowadays.

a lot of people uanimously agree that slackers are no place in the army. i couldn't disagree more!

just imagine a senario with a 2 armies, with maybe, just 1 slacker each. these two armies are engaged in a trench warfare, artillarly shells are explodings everywhere and the shouts and screams of the men are deafened by the sound of gunfire.

meanwhile, the slackers go dig a trench and sit there drinking and talking.

one soldier chances upon the hole

soldier: (about to shoot but sees 2 people slacking and lowers rife) what are you two doing!
(both slackers are startled from their slumber)
soldier: this is a war! (says to soldier of his side) KILL HIM!

slacker1: erm...we're fighting! see?
(aims rife at the other slacker and fires square at the slacker's head)
slacker2: heyyyy...stop spraying me! take it back! (he fires back, hitting the slacker in the gut)
(the rife are in actual fact just water guns)

soldier: 0.0. (seething) YOU GUYS A'RENT FIGHTING!

slacker1: yes we are! see! hand to hand combact!
(they both engage in prodding one another on the shoulder, but soon tire and go back to sleep)

soldier: -.-'......
(thinks for a while)
solider: is there room here for one more?

slacker2: that would be a little crowded. you're going to have to dig the hole a little bigger.

(soon the hole is a little bigger, and 3 men are now sitting there doing nothing)

soon another guy chances upon the hole...

soldier2 :about to shoot but sees 3 people slacking and lowers rife) what are you three doing!
(slackers are startled from their slack)
soldier: this is a war! (says to soldier of his side) KILL HIM

ok ill just fastforward this part. in the end you see a gigantic hole and everyone is doing everything but fighting. well maybe they do push a bit for nice comfy spots.

maybe having slackers in the army isn't so bad after all.

hi

2006-01-03T03:35:00.001-08:00

hi im blogging again.

yippie.

sorry about this green apple.

actually im just answering my long....erm...unanswered tagboard.

germ: haha ask xin ci yourself.
tuck: dude i went new zealand and i went with my parents!
sihui: yes my sore ears is living proof :P
chin: haha u already returned him so i wun reply. oh i just did. dang.
tab: hah! i did! sorta anyway.
jerm: u ass this was the time i was napping right
sihui: haha sorry i only link ppl when they give me their site. yeah i love all of you guys in fairfield!
fiona: hmmm ill think about it :D. haha just playing of course i won't forget u!

nice joke

2005-11-30T04:11:00.000-08:00

since i will be gone for a long time, from december4th-19th, i will not be able to post. i havent been posting due to lack of creative (and original) inspirations so i shall just post an anecdote as i will not be able too for a very long time.

something i got from somewhere...

dear mom and dad,

i was expelled from the university for being caught having in possesion cocaine. but that's not all. i am in love with an ex-convict. i have his child. we have decided to elope so that i can be together with him. we'll have our marriage in a local pub,i need you to send me $ 10 000 for him and i to set up an illegal gambling den to earn a steady income.

love, may.

p.s i was just kidding about everything. all i did was flunk my math mid year paper. aren't you relieved?

10 things

2005-11-23T05:16:00.000-08:00

since its still potty week, i shall write about spooky stuff. like when i heard that there was such an abomination as chocolate fishballs, which is plausibly the most disgusting delicacy that i have ever heard in my life. anyways here are 10 things are scare me.

1. NO SPONGE BOB SCREENINGS EVER AGAIN!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
2. empty fridge
3.sitting next to most girls when you are watching a horror show.

they clutch your shirt and scream louder than the actress screaming in the show,personally i feel that sitting-next-to-you girls are by far scarier than the movie.

i shall not name the *cough* alli *cough* cia* people *cough* yibeicuifensihui* who top my list of unneccesary screamers. come on people the movies are not REAL, the ghosts are just NORMAL people, not like sponge bob who is as real as ever!! whohooo!

ok relax im just kidding.

anyways i am digressing so i shall continue.

4. tickles
5. macdonalds new seaweed french fry seasoning
6. instant pratas that taste like tasteless biscuits
7. very loud and screeching louds
8. bags with funny opening designs and i have to spend minutes trying to open them and someone comes and opens it in 3 seconds. (errr...i knew how to open it all along! i was just admiring the erm....engravings)
9. quizzes i have no idea how to do.
10. people saying sponge bob is not "in" anymore. NOOOOOOOOO

thw two witchdiots

2005-11-20T19:45:00.000-08:00

technially, there is no such thing as male witches in stories.

its the same as having no such thing as a female sponge bob or something that is not snailish for a gary.

WIZARDS ARE NOT MALE WITCHES, a common misconception made.

a interesting thing to note if there is though (in stories at least). imagine two male witches...

*two male witches are dancing and chanting round the cauldron*
mw1: bubble, bubble, toil and...er.....ahh....how's the line supposed to go again?
mw2: *frowns*....i think its toil and toys. it rhymes right?
mw1: ohhh yes! it must be it! ok try again
mw2: oh well...ok here goes....bubble, bubble toil and toys.
*the cauldron bubbles and bubbles....and bubbles.*
mw1: i have a feeling it's not working....hey STOP THAT!
*mw2 is trying to relive his childhood days by popping all the bubbles with his broomstick *
mw2: oh er....sorry about that. *hides brromstick behind him*
mw1: ok what spell are we making anyways? this was your idea.
mw2: oh its just-
mw1: i know! a summoning spell to summon sponge bob! whohoooo!
mw2: no its-
mw1: ooooo i know! it's a hex for all anti-sponge bob people!
mw2: no can you lis-
mw1: ohohoh i got it! it's a love potion that will make everyone love sponge bob!!
mw2: WILL YOU LISTEN!
mw1: okok...sorry.
mw2: it's chicken soup for miss burns.
mw1: *stares blankly at mw2* then why did we have to do all that chanting, the 20 circles round the cauldron, the 50 times stirring clockwise, all that while playing the sponge bob theme song over and over again?
mw2: oh that? i just thought it would be fun.
mw1: *falls down*

potty craze

2005-11-20T19:43:00.000-08:00

harry potter comes out today and im going to watch it tomorrow with my friends. since everyone is so hyped up about ghouls and witches and wizards i shall blog about those stuff.

in movies they always do dramatization which makes the ghosts seem vile and horrid and there is no apparent way to stop them. I think in real life things would be a tad different$)A!-.

it was coming.
the desperate man frantically ran up the nearly collapsed old wooden stairs to the attic in a frantic but futile and foolish attempt to hide from it.
it was coming.
there was nothing he could do.
it was a ghastly sight. a figure in the form of a man, came gilding up the stairs. Its body seemed decayed and eaten, maggots wriggling out from its mouth. Its eye, glassy, seemed devoid of a soul. Its arms was composed of bones with a bit of dry flesh dangling from the elbow.
there was no where the man could hide$)A!-.. no where. it just kept coming closer.
and closer.
The man in his terror, buried himself at the corner of the room, not wanting to embrace the inevitable. The figure was reaching up to him, groaning softly, each time he opened his mouth the maggots spilled out in abundance. this was too much for the man. He-
$)A!0POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!1
emitted a loud fart.
$)A!0ohhhh!-!-what did you eat!-!1 the figure moaned, his eyes for the first time in decades started rolling.
$)A!0oh sorry about that o chum. i had some baked beans fort- *put* dinner- *put* and- *put* it *put* has-!0 the man started apologetically, but is overcome by, well, farting bouts
this is too much for the figure, who runs away, screaming for its mommy and promising never to haunt man or baked beans ever again.

2005-11-14T05:53:00.001-08:00

i wonder what is the proper way to start a blog….

hey people! nawh hey youself

yo! nawh I don’t do yo-yos.

wassup my man!

ok this is getting dumb.

i don’t usually blog about serious stuff because blogs are not meant to be serious! oh wait, that is my own rational. oh well but i shall make an exception this time.

for all those who are christians and read my blog, please pray for two people.

1. nat’s dad. as most of his msn friends know, his dad is in hospital because of irregular heartbeat, and he may pass away. im not really sure about the details, but as fern said, no news is good news so pray that he would be alright and most of all, trust the Lord who is our father in heaven. also pray for nat and his family so that they will also trust the Lord and stay strong to support the father.

2. fish yang’s brother. if you want to know the exact details go to her blog, www.fishyang.blogspot.com.
It seems he also has a irregular heartbeat and it seems he needs to go to the hospital at a regular basis. pray that God will give him the strength to persevere at this time of trial. also pray for yang and her family that they will have the strength and wisdom to support the brother.

actually i did not ask fish yang’s permission to put this up.so if you want me to take it down i’ll do so straightaway.

I did not ask nat too but I think he would let me post this =)

2005-11-11T05:54:00.000-08:00

Post 1: replying tags.
im about to post but there is something important that I have to do first.

no its not going to the toilet. no its not watching sponge bob square pants (cause I already watched today’s episode). its….replying my tags.

celine: haha glad u like my blog!
germ: well i think they both taste about the same but mountain dew is….. hipper? nicer would be a better word.
angrygreenapple: you’ll have to find the Welfare of Potentially Abused Green And Perhaps Angry Apples to take it up and make me stop, so there!
tabi: there you are posting for me now!
fish: yeah i think so too! but been quite lazy. oh well. weights help to tone your muscles

post2 : 1b chalet.
just came back from my sec 1 class chalet, and they did a very nice thing which was to have a surprise farewell thing for me. nat baked a natty- i mean nutty cake and they all got me to blow the candles...except that the candles were unblowaoutable. they just kept lighting up, which means that they had bought those trick candles.

which was quite shocking for me because i planned to blow out all the candles. when i was young i did not blow out all the candles at once after making my wish, and my bro said that my wish would not be fulfilled. needless to say, i was emotionally scarred for the next fifteen minutes or so lamenting on not being able to get my new teddy bear or sorts.

so i made it one of my resolutions for every bday celebration is to blow out all the candles.

but it was ok because i was planning to do that on someone anyways one day, and everyone had a good laugh, until we found out how troublesome those candles are.

Fern: ok time to put out those candles….
Keith: erm..how do you put them out?
Fern: oh sh** the candle is going to burn into the cake!

so we had to get a bowl of water and threw the candles into it to save the cake, though one candle made one part of the cake a little burnt.

and during the chalet jacon, jing, tuck and me went to eat at some eatery beside a golf course. we noticed that there was this bell that you are supposed to ring if you got a hole in one. we contemplated walking “from” the golf course to the eatery, cheering and shouting, and one of us would ring that bell. and everyone would look at us and we would wave crazily at everyone. but we decided not to because the golf course was not open yet (we went in the morning) and no one would believe us. (actually I don’t think they would either way).

we also contemplated standing side by side, holding each other’s shoulders, like rugby, saying, “huthut….3, 2, 1…hoiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii” then running crazily to the first tee and pulling out the flag and raising it in a triumphant stance while shouting and singing victory slogans and cheers. then we would run to the next tee and do the same and so on.

of course we did not do it in the end, the weather was unbelievable hot!

2005-11-07T05:47:00.000-08:00

a lot of people are coming back from their overseas holidays these past few days.

jacon, keith, terry, etc.

and terry came back on friday and yesterday we went out to play some basketball. while walking to the court terry gave me a box of chewing gum, which is something he always does when he goes holidays. yumm i love those.

“this is much better than the present YOU got me last time right?”

he was referring to the souvenir which i had painstakingly picked up for him and jeremy during my trip at perth.

which was TOTALLY not true! i had given him an authentic, exclusive, exquisite, fastidious, exotic, unique gift which you could only get at that part of the world and nowhere else. and it cost me all of…

drumroll please…

*drumroll*

LOUDER please…

*louder drumroll*

okok it was free.

and did I mention that the gift was a information guide booklet for a zoo?

that’s not all you scoffers. it was….

bitten and chewed on by a bird. an EXOTIC bird by the way.

but still he said he LIKED my gift!

“wow lennard…this is such a WONDERFUL gift….thanks for getting it for me! it’s what I REALLY need. but wait, i can’t accept your offer of generosity so here take it back”

and he says that measly box of chewing gum is better than my information guide booklet-and-part-of-it-was-bitten-on-and-chewed-by-an-exotic-bird gift.

but a 1000 years later my gift, if still remained intact, would be a priceless and invaluable piece of historical treasure while his would be spread over all the earth. (considering that I finished it a few minutes after he gave me)

i need an archive

2005-11-03T04:55:00.000-08:00

i just realised that i blog more than i exercise.

and i hardly blog nowadays.

and i STILL blog more than i exercise.

oh shoots.

i want to go to the gym but ive been rather skeptical of it ever since my last visit.

it was at night when i went, so you can imagine the people there were minimal. when i entered the gym the ambiance of it all struck me. nawh it was just the fast beat music. and two guys were there pumping weights and when they saw me they gave me that CAN-YOU-DEAL-WITH-ME look. nawh actually more like CAN-YOU-HANDLE-THIS-AND-NOT-BREAK-ANYTHING-AND-DON'T-DISTURB-ME-LOOK.

anwyays i felt the sense of unwelcomeness so i stepped out of the gym (i only went there to cool myself down with the air-conditioner anyways) and went inside about 15 minutes later. this time, they 2 guys left but the room still looked very crowded.

this was because, for some apparent reason, they gym has placed glass walls on all 4 sides of the room.

but gym aside, here 10 reasons why i do not exercise.

1. i have to walk all the way up to my attic to lift the weights! do you have any idea how far is that from my bed!

2. "ok it's time to exercise...better get out the jogging shoes an- ooo look sponge bob square pants is on! hahaha would you look at that patrick he's so fat and lazy! he should go exercise!"

3. i just ate 10 hours ago and i need to digest the food.

4. exercise? uhhhh suddenly my head hurts...

5. i just exercised yesterday! oh wait that was on my ps2, fifa 2005.

6. i'll do it next year! i promise!

7. i had a sudden urge to rush to the toilet and forgot about excercising because of the incessant need to find a toilet.

8. i never see any of those dance aerobic shows when i watch tv.

9. i just injured my lil' pinkie...

10. exercise? OHOHOH look! *points to sky* A DINOSAUR!!!
*you turn aronud to find i have performed a houdini, or have dismaterialized and rematerialized in a sleepable area.

yay

2005-10-30T07:39:00.000-08:00

today was a batch outing! we went and hunted chickens illegally at the bukit timah nature reserve and roasted them over a spitfire, while all holding hands and singing campfire songs.

u wish...

nawhh we just went jurong east to ice skate and then chevrons to bowl.

anyways i want to reply what tabi/poking stomach girl has written on her bloggie with a tag, but the list is too long. and since im such a sucker about not losing, i shall write some true facts down! brahahahaha....

speed hockey: the score was 5-4 to tabi BUT she scored her first when i was giving the bag to samuel and we had not started yet. and she used her other free hand to block! *cough* chea- *cough* ter!

ice skating: i skated FASTER than her twice! yay! (1 was when we got scolded by the instructor after that another was when i caught up with her but knocked into another girl, hahas) but then she says she won cause i fell.

hello jack: personally i don't know what to make of this! like we just ended up just shoving the cards to one another! i dun even think there was a winner or loser.

bowling: ahh she did win me at this by 5 points though. but samuel did help you score 12 points, haha. but oh well i suck at bowling so there you go.

andand just because i anyhow swing my arms and punched the air for para para does not make me suck! erm ok maybe it does a little...ok maybe quite a lot...but its my first time!

and i win her in sit-ups! yay. even though she has firmer abs than me? haha quality vs erm....firmitility? ouch she kept poking my stomach! she definately has potential to win the world's poker championship.

and then two guys went to dance that stepping thing and put us all to shame....though i must admit that i would be shamed if i was caught dead playing that.

and germaise went to make a little boy fall by pulling his head back and making him fall again. (she claims she was just petting his head but benxie and samuel says otherwise)

forgetfulness

2005-10-29T07:17:00.000-07:00

its interesting to note how seriously forgetful some of us are some times. take me, when i was in primary school. i was calling my friend, samuel...

(phone ringing)
lennard: (ok...tell samuel about so and so....)
(woman picks up)
woman: yes, who do you want to speak to?
lennard: yes, may i speak to-....err...
woman: yes?
lennard: ermm...robin?
woman: (a little irritated) sorry wrong number.
(puts down phone, i hold the phone, frowing, going through the phonebook to see who i was calling and what for)

speaking of phones, there was another time i did something immensely stupid. and this is far worse than forgetting. this was when i was p4. i was calling my friend..

(friend picks up)
lennard: (americian impersonation) yo man...wassuppp. does my impersonation sound real? waitwait hear this..
(clears throat)
lennard: suggarr babbyyy (i probably watched austin powers or something at that time)
lennard: waitwait lets try the australian accent.
howdy......err....mate! what cha'....err...chilling now?
lennard:waitwait....indian accent!
hello, barnicalm (spelt something like that, tamil for greetings) i am indian, i come from india! you come from india?
woman's voice: (confused) err who do you want to speak too?
lennard: (stunned) oh er.....wrong number...sorry..
(puts down phone and run to hide under the pullows)

the day after i told my friend that and he said his mom told him that there was some rubbish caller who called.

always let the person talk first when you call to be sure!

hellomoto

2005-10-28T09:51:00.000-07:00

i just learnt a very valuable blogging lesson. do not make the statment that you're going to continue, cause i hardly ever do after a post. from that sentence you will deduce that im either too lazy or just don't have the inspiration to continue from the last post...

yesterday at the 1b outing (if u been to my blog before, you would know i don't like to post about the intricate and detailed versions of happenings. if u would like to know what we did, there is shuyi's blog, tuck yan's blog, xinghui's blog to see), i keep telling people not to hit my left arm because i had a muscle ache. so happens that nearly everyone went on to hit me and i had to keep telling people not to hit my arm (while moaning a bit and clutching my arm).

and we watched transporter and i always find that in movies a lot of stupid things happen.

1. the girl in the movie wore too much eye darknerner or something..
2. the guy ordered achovies on his pizza. (actually its not that stupid but i find achovies on my pizza a waste of money)

actually there is more but im simply too tired to write.

and then we all went to my own house and we played marvel vs capcom 2 and the girls either played guitar or just screaming while pressing buttons on the controllers of my ps2. (im not really sure if they were playing because 1. there was more of a screaming element 2. the fighters don't look like fighters when they are holding the controllers..... just jumping idiots hitting air.)

hmmm because of this they are going to massacre me so i might as well say more. oh well, maybe another time. (hmmm i seem to recall something i just said..)

bye fairfield

2005-10-26T01:55:00.000-07:00

tomorrow so happens to be my last day in fairfield. i can never adequately express, in words, the joy and experiences i have gone through in a vibrant and close kni-t community of friends, where my class is one whole big clique.

but i am duty-bound, as an elder of the bobses, to pass on the vast knowledge and experiences aquired throughout this 2 years in my secondary term of fairfield.

for those for you who have no idea of what im talking about, the Bobses Community was founded in the year 2004, when two aspiring people (nawh just 2 people bored out of their minds during the sec 1 orientation), samuel and lennard, wanted to make a difference in the world. they wanted to spread love and harmony throughout the world by acts of lamity. So begin the formation of the bobses. Bob (sam) and Bobs (lennard).

but you see, the bobses community was not coined yet. the bobses community then was just known as bob and bobs.

after a while (which is 10 seconds later) into the formation of the bobses, it quickly expanded into 3 members, as a new member joined the bobses. it was then that bob and bobs decided to name the trio, calling it, "the bobses community".

one by one, members joined till there are 7. (oh btw the bobses "split up at one point because bob wanted to change the name and...oh its a long story but they merged back together after a week) one left and became evil! (nawh just back to normal). so...six were left. there was also an unofficial member, the-wise-old-man-who-is-not-wise-but-is-called-wise.

then in the 2nd year the bobses was split up as galaxies were destroyed and recreated (the reshuffling of classes). bobs, boberous and the-wise-old-man-who-is-not-wise-but-is-called-wise were in one class, and after a while they decided to start a new branch of the bobses community, which altogether 5 joined.

the bobses community is actually more intricate and detailed but the richness of the history is too much to write all in one post. the archives of the bobses, (written by the founders bob and bobs), can be found in the class forums. (which means its unavaliable to the public, unfortunately).

anyways here are some of our rules and stuff we do!

(disclaimer) some of the beliefs may be against yours. we take NO responsibility in who reads this, read it at your own risk. and the bobses community is NOT a religion NOR a philosophy, just some crap we came up with.

hope this is far enough from the disclaimer!

1: all bobses are equal! even though there are elders and different ranks in the end when it all boils down all have equal says, like if we should eat at the hawker centre or the coffeeshop.

2. we are lame people! unlame people cannot be allowed to join the bobses! (sorry but it's the truth!)

some tricks we do:

1: 1 person is required for this, 2 is reccomended. you walk up to someone and start pointing at person x's back and laughing. the person would say supiciously, "what did u do?" then you say nothing! (try to make it as fake and choked with "restrained laughter", even though you really did not do anything). the person will start tugging at his/her own back, while moaning, "what did you do!" and you either continue saying, "nothing!", have that irritating smirk on your face, or just keep laughing. variations can be made on this, eg. on the bag.

caution: do not do this on people who always get pissed off by these things. (even though these kind are rare, but still!)

oh well im getting tired so i shall write more later

search for the ho!

2005-10-21T18:41:00.000-07:00

exams are over, yippie!

anyways yesterday was the time that all the form teachers would get back the whole of the class list results for the students to look at. and of course, being a tradition, all of us wanted to know our marks beforehand before the retreival of our report books.

but i forgot that today was the day for the results thingy (like most of my class) and as everyone kept asking us about our results, we were forced to give a nil reply. so jacon and i after recess, when mrs yeo, our geog teacher was nowhere to be seen, to find our form teacher, mr ho.

we called his work table at his staff room on the intercom, no response. i checked the classrooms, jacon checked the canteen. we bascially checked almost everywhere for a whole of 10 minutes. no ho!

so began...The Search For the Lost Ho. (sounds very indiana jonesish)
actually i wanted to call it Finding Ho, but that justs ripping off Finding Nemo.

so our efforts came back fultile in the first search. our geog teacher had come back anyways so we decided to search after school.

after school...

almost about half of the class has joined us for the search of the mising ho. now we can call it "Fellowship of the Ho". we searched the canteen, no ho. we went to his classroom, there was a hole in the door, but nope, no ho. we called him on his handphone, but he did not pick up, on the whole.

where could ho be?

by now we had drawn several conclusions to where mr ho could be:
1. he was almost definately in Singapore.
2. he should be in school working.
3. he was not in the canteen, staff room, classroom.
4. he was not in my house. (or any of my classmates' houses for that matter)
5. he could have fallen into a hole, or he could be in a holy place like church, or he could have gone somewhere to see the whole of singapore.

but anyways jacon suggested that he was in the computer room teaching. we went up to the 3rd floor and searched the first computer room, no ho. suddenly jacon shouted, mr ho is in the 2nd computer room!

we rushed there and, lo and behold, we saw mr ho scolding 2 boys. all of us were 0.0 he made us wait because of 2 boys? and he motioned us to wait outside. i checked my handphone clock, the search for ho took about half an hour.

anyways i got my results back and i dropped by a lot. i got 13th in class and 59th in level, and in midyear it was 8th in class 34th level, but i guess this is because i totally slacked after knowing i was not going to be streamed.

rakion is fun!

2005-10-15T03:52:00.000-07:00

hmm these few days i have been having very peculiar and amusing conversations. here is one with jeremy on the phone as we are playing rakion, which is something like GUNZ in ancient style. his com is...how to it in words....not exactly the fastest computer you can find.

lennard: ok are you in?
jeremy: yes, yes....where are you?
lennard: ok lets meet in the middle.....go to the middle?
jeremy: err where is the mmiddle?
lennard: somewhere you are not at right now?
jeremy: ok....i seriously can't fin-... oh i see you!!
lennard: err i dun see u *looks around the screen*. nope where are you!
jeremy: wait! don't move! i'm right beside you!
lennard: *looks at the screen and sees only myself* this may shock you jeremy...but i don't see you...
jeremy: see, i'm attacking you!
lennard: *sees my character staring blanky, not doing anything*. err you're not...
jeremy: what i told you my com is screwed lah!
lennard: ok....since you're not there can i attack the golem? *you need to attack the golem to win the game*
jeremy: then what do i do! what the....
lennard: dunnno.... *proceeds to attack golem*
jeremy: see! im slashing the golem! you see that?
lennard: can i say no?
jeremy: no?
lennard: no!
jeremy: this is s***. my com is seriously screwed...i don't want to play this anymore...
lennard: err ok then can you leave it on so i can win for free?
jeremy: no!

here's another conversation i had. terry and i were at coronation and we had to wait 20 minutes to play LAN. so while waiting i wanted to sit down, but we couldn't find a place to sit. so then i saw this small music school which had a bench there. problem is, the receptionist was there too. so i decided to sneak in, pretend i was interested in looking at the classes, and sit down peering at the brouches.

Receptionist(R): hello! are you one of the ex studednts helping out today?
lennard: (what the heck????) err no...i wanted to come in and see these events? *looks at notice board*
R: suresure....help youself!
R: Because today we are getting all the ex students to come out and perform something for us.... yeah this famous guy X (i forgot the guy's name) just walked out to get something to eat! you know who is X?
lennard: (actually i don't know, don't care but for the sake of being polite) well.....maybe...i could have heard of him before...
R: Oh and they are performing at this concert! *shows me brouchre. this is also when terry comes in.*
R: what grade are you? and what instrument are u learning?
lennad: oh err...grade 6, paino.
R: (to terry) oh are you hear to look at the brouchres too?
terry: (errr...wth) yeah... im with him (points to me)
R: oh i see. so what school are you boys from?
terry: Oh, im in sji.
R: Oh you know this teacher came from sji! Mr M (forgot his name too). you know him? (looks at me)
terry: oh no, he's not from sji.
R: (to me) oh then which school are you from? chinese high? (i'm in fairfield)
lennard: err ac-
R: Oh i see...you should know who is Mr H right? Mr H is a very nice teacher!
lennard: 0.0
R: and oh do you know this guy called U? he's in your batch, also from chinese high also learning grade 6 paino.
lennard: -.-' not really....
R: oh i see. oh there is another concert going on. you want to come? (shows us brouchre)
lennard: (feigns interest) oh..this is when?
R: at X time.....it's really good the price is very cheap.
lennard: ok i'll think about it.
Terry: (ahem) oh sorry we have to go do stuff now (its our turn to play lan)
R: ok thank you! come again!
lennard and terry: ok bye
(we walk out of the room and when out of the receptionist's sight, laugh our heads off)

something-not-so-shakesphereish

2005-10-11T01:34:00.000-07:00

sometime this year on cheryl's bday wei en and i had a very interesting conversation on the profound literature of the most reowned playwright: Shakesphere.

i was saying something like, "this plays that shakesphere writes are so fake! i mean, do you really say "oh, i am slain!" when you are about to die?" shuld you can something ilke "ughhhh"?"

then wei en commented that that was why shakesphere is the most famous playwright in the world and they don't use my books for literature lessons because of the lack of vocabularly.

alright, he was right. except that in the mordern days, shakesphere wouldnt have bee able to make a living out of writing plays for movies. i mean, all his plays have that, "if only..." element. take romeo and juilet for example. or hamlet. or king lear. just put in a few minutes and everything would have turned out like a bed of roses instead of a tragedy.

so well, then i thought of it even further because real life would have easily been more comical. let's try the last scene of romeo and juliet, where romeo is about to kill himself because he thinks juliet dead.

disclaimer: note that what i am writing is NOT in accordance to your literature textbook so don't you go memorising lines from my blog.

romeo: Oh Juliet! thy love for thee is greater than that of.....pancakes. oh waiteth, thy loves pancakes!
*proceeds to partake a hearty meal of pancakes*
romeo: where was thy....oh yes....thy can't live without thee! thy would rather die! thy woul- ahhh ahhCHOOOOO!
*sneezes*
romeo: oh thou is sorry! thy haveth gotteth some thingeth on thee beautiful faceth! leteth thy wipeth that offeth thee.
romeo: oh thy shalt die now!
*drinks poison*
romeo: uggghhh....thy feels a mosteth exqusite and excuciating pain from thy depths of thy bowels!
*reads the label on the potion. it reads "Bowel Inducer 1500. The newest and quickest laxative of the century. caution: Do not mistake this for poision"

romeo: thy has purchaseth a laxative insteadeth of a poision! thy.....ughhhh musteth go.....to thy toileteth....
*struggles to find the tomb's toilet. he barely makes it in time*

moral of the story: always read labels.

magic tricks my arse!

2005-10-10T01:30:00.000-07:00

"this," i say solemnly, "is no ordinary pen."

0.0

*six blank faces stare at me*

"this is a magic static pen. it can collect static."

o.0

*my older brother tries in vain to hide that smirk. can't be helped im using his pen for this trick.

i am valiently attempting to perform a magic trick in front of my incredulous family.

"watch as i build up static from my shirt...." *proceeds to rub pen against shirt.

-.-

"watch now......im pulling out the tip of my pen.....ouch ouch!" i am "electrified" by the release of the static and the pen tip snaps back by itself after i let go.

-.-'

father: aiyo *then carries on eating dinner*
mother: i don't get it. what's the trick?
younger sis: no comment
younger bro: *starts laughing. at me not with me*
older bro: can i have my pen back?
(nawh i fabricated the last part; he actually said the trick was very lame and he saw me snapping my fingers back)

i think this is a sign that i lack the finesse of an acclaimed and accomplished magician.

title tittle

2005-10-09T02:26:00.000-07:00

oh i decided to blog again. but unfortunately im unable to continue from the last post because there are so many ppl to write about and i won't be able to finish so....thats that.

hmm i just realised that my blog is quite different from others. others like to blog about stuff in their life, i like to blog about crap. i mean, how do people find the means to remember even the smallest, minute detail of their life? its pretty hard if you ask me. i shall attempt to copycot others and write about small details of my life.

yesterday, when i got home from allicia's house at night, i went to my room. i heard my footsteps as i walked to my room. "tit-tat" or something like that. then i saw something iffy....something, someone was stalking me silently. i turned around. there was no one.

ok ill just skip this part because i did not really turn around and the person following me was my shadow.

ok after i entered my room....i closed....the door....."creakk.......thud" it went. and....i...went...to...my........

bed.

and as i streched out on the object of solice, i realised that something was missing from my bed....something...i couldnt put my hand on what was missing....probably because it was missing....

it was....my blanket...

ok im getting tired of this factual description because i really can't bothered now, so ill just fast forward. i asked my younger bro who was in my room where was my blanket, he said it was in my mom's room. i went to my mom, no mom. i went to my younger brother's room, and there was my mother who was using my blanket for the time being while coaching my sis for her psle....

notes to self:
1. never write such crap again
2. go on treadmill sometime after exams
3. get back money from nat, kuei der (or his new name koodie as we gave him in macs last week), ching yang, tabitha. these people have rendered me half broke in a day since i got new weekly allowance. thanks a lot guys!
4. download rakion on wednesday. (secondary objective is to trash tabitha flat in rakion to avenge my losing to her in a "when would rakion come out bet". she did not really win but she insists she won because her month was nearer, even though she was burst! and i had to buy maltsers for her. pooooofffffffff what a silly and greedy sloth! haha just joking about the greedy part)
5. buy lots of food before i go jeremy's house because his fridge is always empty when i raid it and its like living in a refugee camp when you sleepover in the holidays.
6. not to sneeze during the papers on monday to wednesday.
7. last but most unleast! read the bible and pray everyday!

this is all my mates in fairfield...no not mates in mating season mates as in friends

2005-10-02T04:15:00.001-07:00

yesterday i was listening to "run" from snow patrol. no idea why but i suddenly saw a vision.... tomorrow is the end of the world!

you're supposed to gasp here

*gasp*

nawh just kidding. i just realised that im going to leave fairfield soon, and im going to miss my buds in fairfield lots. 8 years, fairfield has taught me so many things. not just lessons, some lifeskills too. how to play rock, paper, scissors in class without teacher knowing and keeping a scoreboard (yes this was in primary 1-3 or something), how to run away after pulling some girl's hairband off while they scream and laugh at you, how to pull off a prank, how to keep a straight face when you tell people that there are a kind of species of dolphins that can fly, etc.

on a more serious note, fairfield has taught me to love God, my family, my friends. it has more or less moulded me into the person i am now, grounded and instilled christian values, taught me responsibility, and much more. im really grateful for fairfield, it will always remain in my heart. sniff sniff....my mom is cutting onions in front of my face again. (nawh last sentence was a joke, but i feel a tad like crying)

ok i shall name some of the people that has impacted and shared weal and woe with me who are currently in fairfield. take note of the some and the currently in fairfield. i shall add more names when i have time, but now i shall talk about my class 2d. (we won model class btw)
Welcome to the sunny isles of Ambalangoda (the islands of 2D). The faithful knights of Ambalangoda, i present the bobses community!)
And so began the bobses community of 2D. Our 1st mission statement is to spread peace and harmony through the world, and our 2nd mission statement is to do so by the arts of lamity.

tuck yan (the wise-old-man-who-is-not-wise-but-is-called-wise): i've known this chap for 6 3/4 years and only been his friend since last year -.-. nevertheless, we've been thruogh a lot together, hanging out, laughing, saying lame stuff, doing last minute homework outside mr ho's class....great memories.... tuck yan and jacon were responsible for founding the fabled frisbee team of 2D, which went on to win the interclass campionship. they showed flair and resliance in an underrated game. They were the backbone of the team and brought much needed life and passion to a game most people scoff at. (ok im exaggerating a tad bit)
tuck yan's speciality in making people laugh is his offhanded comments =)

jacon (boberous): hahahaa. very funny (and eccentric) guy. My siong di! cause both our surname is ong, and we call ourselves ong brothers! if you do a close study up detail on this guy, you would laugh your socks off. everything he does is.....haha idiotic. he's pro at science and math (i beat him in science this term, hahaha) but don't know why he didn't make it to nus high. anyways when you hang around with him expect to be embarrassed cause he always shouts out stupid comments. (seriously, he saw this stranger who tried to act cool by spinning his discman or something and it dorpped onto the floor. what did jacon do? he laughed very loudly, pointed at that guy and said, "haha, loser!" and ran away. yes i know what you are thinking. dots)
jacon's speciality in making people laugh is his, ahem, sex talk, and his loud and stupid comments.
i shall continue this on another post because this is too big

haha look at that

2005-09-28T03:14:00.000-07:00

sor noi did it again. yesterday she made a shocking annoucement:

"class, 6 lucky people have been chosen by the principal for file checking...."

haha can't be me, i never get chosen for file checkings. the principal would have a-

"and the students' are lennard ong, blahblahblah"

fit...................WTH man.

didn't sor noi see my file? or the daily proof that dangles so ever obviously in her nose, my bag?

yes, i freely admit it. my friends started laughing the moment they heard about the file checking thing. form any phrase with the word lennard in front, and an inanimate object behind (like so "lennard's _________", and my friends consider it to be synonymous with trash, garbage, mysterious land of the sewers, you get the idea.

especially in art. last year in my class when not enough people wanted to go for the banner competition, i volunteered. the class, who had displayed such a lacklustre enthusiasm about the volunteering, was unanimously united in laughing and protesting at this.

" ROFLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!"

"NO MISS KOH (my form teacher) DONT ALLOW THIS! LENNARD IS ONLY GOOD AT ABSTRACT ART!" (which is, btw, not a compliement because they once mistook my realistic art for an abstract piece)

haha. very funny guys. oh the new treadmill finally arrived so im going to play with it later. press the buttons and such. pray it doesan't spoil.

which reminds me of last year when i went to the land of aussie. there was this hotel at which you have to press a certain combination they gave you to open the backdoor.

so i went to try out if i could break in. it's a funny thing really,these locks, cause they go into lock mode when u press too much. then you have to call for a technician or they come there themselves, either way. those technicians are not friendly people. while fixing the thing they give you that cold-eyed stare, as though you've done something hideously wrong and stupid.

nope in the end i decided not to press the buttons so much to avoid the technician and possible grounding from my parents.

err song-writing in blogs

2005-09-25T06:18:00.000-07:00

today i had nothing better to do so i did something that i would never admit to your face, not in a million years!

yes....i blog hopped...or issit blogged hop? don't know and don't care. then i realised a few stupid things on blogs. i shall list them down. (whatever i have listed i have found in at least 2 blogs if u want to claim the validity of my post =) )

1. people post in school.
one word: stupidstupidstupid! ok, that's more than 1 word. I saw samantha posting during music IT lesson once, and i was like samantha i bet you're not paying atetntion to the lesson, and she gives me that 'lennard-what-do-you-think' look.

argh plain stupidity if u ask me. i will NEVER blog in school. this is because im still holding on to my belief that blogging is stupid!

2. people put song lyrics on their blogs.
ok this is one of the things i find most queer. if talking about the song isn't enough, you have to post the lyrics. EXCUSE ME, there isn't several SEARCH ENGINES avaliable at the click of the button for nothing! like WTH..... maybe it's a new fad of filling in space, i have no idea...... haha to be hypocritical i shall post a song too!

i am cow, hear me moo!
i weigh twice as much as you,
and i look good on the barbeque!

i can't remember the rest of this retarded song but i used to sing it everyday in primary 6 to irritate sophia.

actually i think i have one more point but due to short term memory loss i decided to stop here.....and wait for the blacklash of several people who would scold me for posting this, haha.

sarthak is leaving..sniff

2005-09-24T03:58:00.000-07:00

wth! sarthak khare, the class clown, the indian which everyone likes to poke fun off, is going kansas, U.S?

bummer.

we thought of giving him a farewell present, but in the end, we settled on giving him the sarthak salute (while saluting, shout "SATAY CURRY!)and a last beating on the back.

still, sarthak is a nice guy once you get to know him. as qouted from mark tan, "when i first knew him he's damn irritating, but now he's quite a nice guy actually" true true. though up to now, everyone does not understand a single word that he is saying, apart from saying your name of course.

typical occurance when i meet sarthak. (i put on my indian impersonation btw)
"hello sartuk, u come from india? i come from india! we both come from india!"
"AH LENNARD SHUT UP LAH!"

it took me five times saying this to him when i meet him in school to decipher this single sentence that he said. (it could be that he is mixing english with hindu, but till today no one can prove it)how in the world is he going to survive in america?

to honour sarthak, here are some of the affectionate names we used to call him by

sar-tukkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
sarTAK (my last year math teacher's favourite nickname, you say both syllabus quickly in succesion, and the "TAK" is sharp and loud )
satay (rarely did we call him this)
curry (usually combined with the first one. derived from his surname khare. the most favourite among all others is sarTAK curry)
atomic emperor (another nickname my math teacher coined, as a result of the file sarthak gave him, who deemed it "salavged from the ruins of an atomic bomb")

and sooo many others! (although they are most probably rarely used and if so used with a pinch of salt)

well, bye sarthak! we'll miss you!

chinese oral crap!

2005-09-22T04:31:00.000-07:00

yay, i can now go into blogs again!

anyways today we were in sor noi's class practising oral for english, when i suddenly felt a sense of nostelgia, a flashback. bascially i just remembered last year's chinese oral, something which i do not really take pride in. the worst part was the conversation topic.

the following words are chinese translated into english.

teacher: ok, are you ready?
me: (no actually) yes.....
teacher: exercise.
me: (nods and pretends to understand)
teacher: (a little louder) exercise.
me: uhhh.....
teacher: (voice a little edgy) please tell me how you feel about what is the word exercise.
me: o....erm...(clears throat) exercise is good for you. you must exercise everyday. if you don't it is not very healthy.

i don't need to tell you the rest of the conversation for you to figure out i'm not exactly bilingual.

oh well. today i went to study at jurong east library with 14 other ppl. tuck yan, weeliang and i went to the library first, but the discussion area was totally packed. thinking of where to study, i suddenly hit a brainwave.
"hey, lets study in the kid's section! surely got very little people there!" so down we went from the elevator. We step out, what do we see? lots of little kiddies walking around, very colourful walls, tables and chairs which look too small for us, some funny crayon smell, and a librarian looking at us. obviously we must have looked a bit out of place.
we studied at the 2nd floor instead!

help help

2005-09-20T05:33:00.000-07:00

ok i'll tell you all something really stupid. just now i was trying to get into my blog to check out my tagboard. a while passed, then the page was redirected to some page which says, "restricted website" "you have either subscribed to singnet's broadband plans blahblahblahblah this page is either restricted or flitered."

WTHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! *big grrrrr*

yes i freaked out! u mean to say that my blog has some offensive content! so i decided to try other blogspots to see if mine was the only one that was flitered. guess what? now i can't go into any sites which has blogspot in it. how did i manage to post this? the very effective and reliable filter which has for no apparent reason filtered blogspot did not filtered blogger. thank goodness.

and now i don't know how to unblock this stupid thing! if you know me and read this blog please tell me! thanks =)

hmmm.....oh this is the title.

2005-09-19T03:54:00.000-07:00

nothing much really happened this week. just sports and september for church, lantern festival, 4 tests to study for, some sewing to do if not the home econs teacher will screw me seriously, 2 projects to complete by this week. other than that, yeah not much is happening.

in all seriousness though, today zi jian was talking about his latest love affair. because of privacy issues i would not disclose the name, we'll just call her person x.

seriously, its pretty hard to keep up with his life. 10 girls over a span of 2 years and i know less than half. it's like trying to keep up with fads!

After much probing from the bobses, zj says, "oh i met her cause my other friend went talking to conference. at first only god-bro to her, but then i realised my feelings were more than that." ok, at this point we started blurting out with tremendous laughter.

oh which reminds me of the time we were at the canteen. zj called her on handphone and kept talking for a while and walking around. After 5 min, at least 10 people seem to be receiving calls and were following zj. If u do a closer inspection of the people, they seem to be just saying, "blahblahblah" and more than half are laughing at the same time.

anyways this is what i call digression, so i will move on to the actual topic. I asked zj how long he was god brother to x, (assuming a few months). He said, (emphasizing each words like they sound like eternity) "i was god-brother to her for a week."

oh did i mention at this point we started rolling on the floor with laughter?

this is what people mean by accerlated relationships. In ancient times, (people like to refer to it as our parent's adolscent days), they could last over a few years. now, it seems acclerated relationships is catching up with the likes of acclerated learning, teaching, sleeping (no i just put that in to see if you were paying attention), etc. What lasts a few years last a few months now.

I'm about to end but i got one last point to add. Tan Shuyi! I seriously do not hold an infatuation with eunice tham. PLEASE! I DID NOT SMILE WHEN YOU TOLD ME THAT SHE SAID I WAS CUTE! I was thinking "WTH!" and ran away! not because i LIKED the IDEA!

bobses community design (part 2)

2005-09-16T08:06:00.000-07:00

so i shall post part 2 of the extrodinary work of the bobses community.

Introducing.........*drumroll*...........

It's sleek...........

It's incredible......

It's revolutionary.....

No one ever in the history of mankind has ever dreamt of constructing this teachnological wonder....................

It's a portable space rocket!
Yes, you heard right. Portable it is. Built from head to toe with the newest cardboard, it comes with a "paint-it-youself" set of instructions and deattachable styroform board wings.

To see the marvellous spacecraft in action, we decided to put it to the test. Three men are asked to fly this breakthrough in transportation. After some squeezing and shoving, they manage to all fit in. Now they are all ready for the countdown....

"3..................2................1........................JUMP!"

And the space rocket blasted off into space...ok, 1 metre into space before for some apparent reason it stopped midway and landed sideways, and the three men tumbled out. The reason to why this happened is unkown, although there are speculations as to how this has occured.

Said one of the man who tested the space craft: Bascially everything went fine, but I think we just did not have enough boost to break through the atmosphere. If we had another guy to jump with we might be somewhere in jupitar by now."

second guy, "well.....I think it had to do with something strange....am i on tv? oh cool! hey maria, im on TV! i'm on-" and he was cut off abruptly.

third guy, "errrr...you mean that was a spacecraft?"

researchers are still trying to get through the bottom of the problem. meanwhile the non-air con plane is being investigated by the International Bureau of SafeFlight for some absurd charges....something like unhygenic conditions.....or hazardous.....

revolutionary ideas by the bobses research team

2005-09-15T07:19:00.000-07:00

here are some of the ground-breaking, revolutionary, state-of-the-art designs the bobses community has researched on day and night.

The first ever non-air conditioned plane!

Introducing the first plane of its kind ever to fly the mighty skies, a non-air con plane! Says the poilet, who aced his flying tests in the 12 hour flying crash course, "oh no air-con? Open the window for ventilation lah! the instructor say hor, outside very cold so why you need air -con when there is free air-con outside! these things all must use your brian one....nobody can teach you!"

Fitted with the most exquisite stools for seating, this comes with rubber band ropes as seatbelts, the plane is safe for most people to travel on. What a better way to satisfy your trip then to have a delicious meal on board? Here, we have such a wide variety of food to choose from. Chicken instant noodles, Mushroom instant noodles, Seafood instant noodles..............

Even when the plane's engine is running on an extremely powerful engine, (lots of people running in wheel cages), the staff cares about the people's safety! when boarding the plane seatting, look towards your left; you should see a long bamboo pole sticking out. those, are the impressive handles of the rowing oar, lest the plane lands on water, everyone shall padel to shore!

At the end of every trip, you will be greeted by smiles, but don't forget to swipe your ez-link card to pay for the ride!

end of part 1...i shall introduce another idea tomorrow!

hebbly sneebly

2005-09-14T07:48:00.000-07:00

hey all. today was the big day: home econs cooking day! having practised 4 times, jacon and i were ready to do the crap! some events happened while we were cooking. yeah i shall empahsize it using a storytale format.

a long time ago (actually only 14 hours at least), there were two clowns called ching yang and bryan,who were given an assigment by CLEOPATRA herself! (nope, not the queen of eygpt, just my home econs teacher whose name is lily cleopatra. seriously thats her freaking name!) they were supposed to cook....drumroll please.....indian food....

so on the day of reckoning, what did they do? they bought instant prata, which is really CLEVER cause it tastes like crap and becomes as hard as biscults. "hey you want some branded biscults? *after puking at first bite* hahaha FOOLED YOU! THOSE ARE CHING YANG AND BRYAN BUDGET PRATA!!!! ROFLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL". anyways if that wasn't GOOD enough, the masterchef of a bryan went to cook the prata.... lets take a sneak peak at his could-be thinking

1st try: Hmmm...ok cook the prata using frying pan. how hard can it be? *puts prata in frying pan*.

2 seconds later

WTHHHHHH!!!! it's burning!

2nd try: hahaha....i shall attempt to toss the prata like the indian chefs do! *toss prata and no prizes for guessing what happened next*

i shall delete the next few seconds as it contains vularigites, unrestrained laughter, mockery and a quick warning to tidy up before the teacher sees the excellent masterchef at work.

yeah in the end the two lived happily ever after...that is until they get their home econ results back.

conversations with inanimate objects

2005-09-10T08:21:00.002-07:00

hmm hi(to no one in particular) again. I always find something about certain people that is very strange, facinatiing, absurd and stupid at the same time. Something like this cannot be adequately explained, so i shall attempt to visualise it to you.

at julia's house for the class sleepover, when everyone was either stoning, watching tv, chatting, sleep, etc. nat was playing maplestory on the com. i would call that extremely asocial, but i cant say that because i went to play until 3 in the morning after him.

"Eh, eh. you think you big issit? want a piece of me? Come ah! I scared of you issit!"

nope, he was not talking to me. yes, he was talking to the computer. unnerving, to say the least. i told him what he was doing, and all he managed to say to me was some vauge inaudible mumble, and then he was at it again.

"ahah...this thing going to drop green panlid ah! eh, never drop! ok never mind, this thing going to drop green panlid ah!"

it seems totally strange (and retarded) at first, but after closer study of other people, at least 1/3 gamers actually talk to the computers while playing.

then i realised that i also did that too. not when i was playing computer. when i was watching a manutd match. this was first realised by my older brother.

"WHAT! STUPID REF! THAT WAS YELLOW CARD LAH!"
"EH YOU KAYU ISSIT! THAT WAS NOT A FOUL!"

this was spiced up with further hand gestures (not the finger, but raising fists and threatening the refree). and it continued throughout the match until my brother finally said , "lennard can you please stop waving your hand and speaking rubbish?"

and im not the only one doing this crap. it is estimated 9/10 of fans do some kind of gesture to express their happiness or crappniess, especially the betting fans.

so yerps everyone acts retarded once in a while.

got a new blog skin

2005-09-08T04:48:00.000-07:00

if you are a regular visiter to my blog (which i doubt) you would have most probably noticed something is different...something...i can't put my finger onto it....oh yes i changed my blog skin!

ok so since it took me many events, comments, etc, im posting an acknowledgement post. yerps here are the people who helped me made this.

I would like to thank:

jeremy, my best mate for helping me do majority of the blogskin. hmm although i already told him i would put him in this post as a show of my appreciation, he insisted that his name be put in the editing blog thing. pooooffff..... actually im at his house now and he is probably going to read this later so i shall pretend i didn't write such a thing when i see him the next time.
(huh? what you talking about jeremy? i din write anything bad about you....u can check my blog if you dun believe! www.idinwriteanythingbadaboutjeremy.blogspot.com)

p.s no you nimrods there isn't such a site i just put it there to trick jeremy...haha...he WONT suspect a THING...

all the nimro......i mean nice and great people who made curt comments about my blogskin and nagged me to get a better blog. thanks people!

actually that is about all the peeps so yerps.

i havent linked anyone yet for the simple reason that i dunno other ppl's blog names. if you want your name to be linked to my blog tell me. er i welcome anyone to link my blog as long as your blog has none of the following:
profanities
defamation of anyone (including me)
arsenal/chealsea/non manutd team pictures
gore
pornography
anything i wun want

currently i do not have a tagboard but i will be getting one soon enough.
yeah that said, hope u enjoy my blog =)

holidays is here

2005-09-06T03:47:00.000-07:00

hmm holidays is here so i decided to be califare and post again. hippie.
since i got nothing better to do, i shall show you some wise sayings that i have collected/thought it up myself.

something smell's fishy here....oh it's the fish ^^
super man runs and flies fast because he doesant want people to see him in his worn-outside red underwear

sayings from lamefucious:

those who sleep with itchy butts wake up with smelly fingers.

if you run in front of a speeding car, you get tired very easily.

if everyone around you is wearing the same clothes, you are most likely in school.

if you stare at the tv and see nothing but black, it is most likely turned off. if
you continue to stare for half an hour, you are a nimrod.

it is not very wise to put your hand in a blender.

people who trip over the cord of a cordless phone are usually very clumsy.

hmmm cant seem to remember. i shall do several acknowledgements nontheless.

I would like to thank:
samuel jubi lee for helping me see the light of lamity and giving inspiration

siddarth...actually nothing to thank but his name is nice to call. (hi
siddarthhhhhhhhhh vader)

jacon to supplying me with lamefucious wise sayings

the bobses community for helping me hone my lame jokes skills

people who encouraged me and loved my jokes! =)

boredom for making me do this crap in the first place.

sponge bob and patrick

yeah thats about all.....hope you liked the wise sayings which you will(not) apply to your life

this is to answer tuck yan's argument

2005-08-24T03:31:00.000-07:00

today me and tuck yan were arguing about some question which caused him to lose 2 marks in mcq. i told him that if he is wrong there's no need in arguing but he insisted his answer had validible claim and i was unable to answer a few of his questions. but after some careful thought and process, came up with several points.

the question : On the stove is a kettle full of water. The water has started to boil rapidly. What is most likely the temperature of the boiling water?
(a) 88 degrees celcius (b) 99 degrees celcius
(c) 120 degrees celcius (d) 130 degrees celcius

Five minutes later, the water in the kettle is question 6 is still boiling. What is the likely temperature of the boiling water?
(a) 88 degrees celcius (b) 99 degrees celcius
(c) 120 degrees celcius (d) 130 degrees celcius

the teacher's marking answer was b for both, which i had put. tuck yan's answer was both c. (btw, you still lose to me even if i got it wrong and u right cause altogether that is only 1 mark, so i still win because the difference in your mark and mine is more than 2. this is regarding your earlier statment that you would win me if you got both wrong and i got both wrong)

ok i agree with tuck yan that the question was not well-set because it does not state the atmospheric conditions, the purity of the water, blah blah blah.

tuck yan said that since you have to assume that the atmosphere is lower so the answer is 99 degrees celcius, he can also assume that the variables are right enough for the water to be boiled at 120 degrees celcius.

what he forgot that there is an unwritten rule in the marking scheme. usually when they do not specify certain variables we must assume that it is taken in a normal condition. a normal condition would be average room temperature, average living atmospheric conditions, etc. since tuck yan says he can assume enough to put my answer to 120 degrees celcius, i can also state that i can assume enough to put my answer as 88 or 130. after all, according to tuck yan's view, it IS possible, right?
if this was open ended i might as well go all the way to 200 degrees celcius, (though that would be a tad illogical). and if he felt the question was unclear he should have notified the teacher to ask him to clarify with him.

tuck yan asked me why is answer b more logical than answer c? my answer is it is a more standard answer. ask anyone, even as tuck yan says, ask scientists, i bet my money that almost all would say b is the standard answer. of course, majority doesant necessary mean it is correct, but, since you asked that, why is c a more logical answer? especially when it has a lower chance of occurance.

lastly tuck yan said what if the water is contaminated? they would have put CONTAMINATED WATER and not just the word water, am i right in saying so if they wanted people to assume the water was CONTAMINATED. when they say water, if you put the word normal it is redundant. after all for example when you say " ate some bread" people dont start to assume that the bread is contaminated. they would think it was normal bread right? '

anyways you may not want to be right for the marks but i dont want to earn marks for wrong questions. your points keep circulating that both b and c are correct but according to your view ppl can assume until a and d are also correct. for mcq you are supposed to pick the most suitable answer. yes all can be correct but what is the most suitable answer?

to end off i decided to show you what the question would look like if you want it to have NO assumptions, something lots of papers are lacking nowadays.

On the stove of X cm in length, width, height is a kettle, of X cm in lenth, width height, full of X kind of Xml water. The water has started to boil at X pace. What is the most likely the temperautre of the boiling water?

sounds weird? i think so. (although a lot of the above variables do not affect the experiment but we must have NO assumptions musn't we?)

my wishlist..or unwish list

2005-08-23T04:01:00.000-07:00

ok i discovered that many ppl have a wishlist in their blog. and well i don't have one. soo...i decided to be califare and have one too! haha.

lets see....... about myself first

i am ong jun ping lennard.
im 14.
from...
glory kindergarden
fmps
fmss
(future) nus high [that is next year btw when i transfer]
(possibility) nus cause i would be affliated from nus high?

wishing for....

a dog (called fluffy)
a hamster (called fluffy)
a fish (called fluffy) check!
a turtle (called fluffy)
a pillow (called fluffy) check!

also wishing for........

mates in fmss to keep in touch with me regularly when i transfer to nus high
i want to play com on weekdays again!
exams to suddenly and unexplainably cancelled
more lame jokes to tell ppl halfcheck!
the girl i like to like me (thinking of her all the time!)
to hear ppl say im funny :) check!
inspriation to finish my 100%
gauranteed-to-FAIL magic tricks book
to fit in well in nus high next year
last but the most unleast, to love God wholeheartedly and follow him all my life.

why i do not get a better blogskin

2005-08-22T01:42:00.001-07:00

yesyes....many people have told me that my blogskin sucks and i need to get a new one. so on a very boring day with nothing important to do....perhaps for maybe a lot of homework, i decided to find a blogskin for my new blog.

so i went to search www.blogskins.com cause i know that for every subject there is definately a person who creates this stuff. for example there is www.jokes.com, funny.com, honey.com, men.com, women.com and yes you dirty minded people gay.com and lesbians.com. not that i actually went to this websites and if i did my singnet connection would restrict me from entering, but if you do some inferencing there is definately some guy who would create this kind of websites. i think soon after the charlie and the chocalate factory movie came out there are some fanatics who would set up an ooumpa lumpa wesite. but this is called digression, so i will continue on the main topic.

so after some real extensive searching of blogskins (when i said extensive i meant i was talking on msn, reading a book and listening to music at the same time as finding it), i found this really hillarious blogskin. it has a black background and a blue bubble speech where everything appears there. and it has 4 cows, each expressing different emotions, as buttons.

i was entralled by the notion that that blogskin could be my blogskin. so i downloaded the script and tada there's my new blogskin. firgured that it would shut people up now.

5 mins later.....

after publishing my blogskin i have received a few scoffs and sceptic remarks but still going strong. then i realised something very very stupid. the blogskin was exactly the same as before! the only thing that changed into my blog was the posts. even the stupid blog name was nice mee moo or something with some stars.

obviously i was appalled, because i didnt fancy the idea of someone going in and seeing my name as jasmin and wishing for a nice boy to marry. nope not a very nice idea. so i tried (in vain) to change it.

so i thought what the heck. its my blog, i do what i want with it. so in conclusion..i din change the blogskin.

p.s you dun have to tell me you know how to change the stuff into yours because my friend offered to help my and i couldnt be bothered.

another blog entry

2005-07-29T03:41:00.000-07:00

for some absurd reason im continuing to write in my blog. hurray. yahoo. whatever.
i was feeling extremely tired the whole day...and i heard that usually people like to write down bad and personal experiences...though for the life of me im still trying to figure out how that helps them...... im still trying to figure out why im posting again.
today i found out some interesting facts, which are relavtively interesting....so i shall list them down.
1. tuck yan did not come to school again today. i shall assume that he is sick and suffering excruciating pain and anguish, while probably playing maplestory.
2. many people are going to sonicfest, including my bro, nat and bb gang, tabithur, edwin, and many more.
3. my school badge fell off today and i had to waste $2 to buy a new one.
4. i learnt more mustafar oriented jokes and mrs yeo my geog teacher is apparently not amused that one of my friends, in his imaginary island, called his train system the mano express. (mano, btw, is derived from the word, miss mano, who is a teacher in my school)
5. tabi says im gay for posting because i once said that posting is for gays but if that is true i think many people are gays and i posted because.....hmmm i have no idea why i posted.
6. i have a new plan. its not your average phone plan. its the son-you-played-too-much-computer-games-like-5-to-6-hours-a-day-much-and-so-now-u-can-only-play-on-weekends-and-friday plan. i was not planning to get this awesome plan. i tried to convince my mother not to be so gererous in this plan, without much sucess. when i told her that i wanted 4 hours in weekends, double the time she set me, she just laughed. the good news is that is computer games so i can still use the com. bad news is i can't play maple now.
7. pauline's imaginary island in geog puts the military base in the middle, because she wanted to protect her island. i think that's very logical as the enemy would probably start invading at the centre of the island, maybe by teleportation or sorts. unfortunately when i was trying to suggest a better idea i ended up laughing in fits at the stupi...i mean ingenuousness of the idea.

ok that's all the facts that i remember so far. wun be blogging in so soon anymore.

updating my blog..finally

2005-07-28T06:54:00.001-07:00

i have no idea why i am doing this...........ok ive decided for some obscure reason to blog again...whohoo...how fun......
ok i shall copy several of people's styles to start off my first posts in almost 8 months.

1st style is talking about my day. i have no idea why people like to talk about it but like i said i am copying people's style of writing so no one can complain about my blog. today i had breakfast and went to school. this is where i add the 2nd style: describing an interesting point of the day which most probably becomes the title in most cases but in this case it doesant. tuck yan and jacon were feeling very sick so they decided to leave school in the middle of the day and now they need to get mc. i find that extremely exciting and nice to talk about....oh yes...that is style 3....skeptism.....

style 4 is insulting famous people without trying to get yourself sued. i heard its the "in" thing for blogging nowadays......insulting famous ppl like tt durianhead or saying peanuts are very expensive nowadays....$600 000...... i also heard that its considered very hip to talk about how person x is very bad, person x did this and that and so on,so i shall include that in style 5. i think that so and so is very so and so because of so and so and so and so needs to learn how to so and so. hmmm if u can't understand what i just written, neither can i.

style 6 is basically doing some personal reflection. unfortunately for me, the computer room does not have a mirror and im too lazy to walk to a room that has one. style 7 is trying to inject humour into the blog entry, so i shall try too. what did the cow say to the chicken? im a cow. haha. so funny.

ok i covered all the styles except for one...the unique style which i cant be bothered to do think of a unique style...so signing off....yerps write your comments if u have and no im too lazy to change blogskin

Joke of Da day 2

2004-09-22T04:52:00.000-07:00

Continuation, DISCLAIMER!!!! I AM NOT A RACIST!!! THIS IS A POLITICAL JOKE, NOT MEANT TO INSULT SOMEONE IN ANYWAY!!! I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE IF YOU READ THIS!!! READ IT AT YOU'RE OWN
RISK!!! NO INSULTS MEANT TO ANYONE MENTIONED HERE!!!

God smiled and said, "I have created a place called earth. In it, there is an euqal balance to everything. For example, the desert is extremely hot but the north pole is extremely cold. There are very beautiful plants but very poisonous creaures." Impressed, St. Peter asked, "What about those funny people that look like you?" God smiled and said, "They are my best creations. I call them humans." St Peter asked, "What about this tiny Island?" God said, "I created humans there. The Island is called Sinagpore. The humans there would be kind and caring. They would be loyal and gentle to a fault. They are hardworking and intelligent." Then St. Peter pointed to the big island next to it,"What about this big island?" God laughed and said, "You're not going to believe the jokers next to them. I'm going to call them Malaysians."

sorry to all malaysians who read this.

Joke Of Da day

2004-09-20T04:07:00.000-07:00

Since my last joke had such great reviews, i decided to add one. Enjoy folks!!!!!
"Political Joke (no harm intended)"
St. Peter in the heavens found that God was missing, so he went to search the holy grounds for him. When he could not find God anywhere, he gave up and waited.
On the 7th day God was missing, St. Peter found him sitting on his heavenly throne, resting. St. Peter said, "There you are. Where have you been?" God smiled and said......sorry my bro's back....write the full story later

add da little spice to ya life

2004-09-17T03:47:00.000-07:00

OK, thanks Debra for admitting you'er kitty.......
Hi, i'm back again with that top hit no1 joke in the lennard's blog.....
Today's joke is....drumroll please......Called The Cowboy....enjoy....

A mean tough looking cowboy walks in the streets of New York. He goes to a diner, ties his horse onto the side and goes in for a drink.
After a while in the diner, he notices that some men were siggering and laughing, pointing to him. He went up to them and said in a low voice, "Gentlemen, in 5 minutes time I'm going to finish eating. I want to see that horse I have still there. Otherwise..." He grinced..."I'm going to have to do what I did at Texas!!! And trust me, I DON'T want to do what I did in Texas..."
That was enough to shaken the men. True enough, 5 minutes later the cowboy found everything intact. An awe-struck man who was sitting next to him, said, "What did you do in Texas?" The cowboy grinned sheepishy and said, "I walked home"

Moral of the story is........i forgot...sorry

This is to kitty

2004-09-15T04:24:00.000-07:00

Finally someone has tagged my board. but since i have no tag, how can that be?? okok, she posted a comment. She asked me to message her. problem is, i don't know who she is!!!!!!!

O.K SO.....starting with the obvious.......The clues to revealing her identity
1. She is in the FMSS Choir....which means she is in the same school as me!!!!
2. She either is my msn contact or someone who is in my msn contact saw my blog, and she got it...
3. She is my bro's classmate...or something and went to check my blog for apprenatly nothing....ok im getting super paranoid and egoistc here........
4. I checked her main blog....sorta check and its iike.....erased!!!
Well, everything can be solved if you discover that i din message you and came to my blog!!!!! Hopefully that would happen....]
I'm sending an U-R-G-E-N-T SOS to the first person who tagged me!!!! okok, i dont have a tag board....commented......

darn it

2004-09-14T04:58:00.000-07:00

i realized my folly....haha.....i dont have a tag board, so the only way i know that there are viewers is through comments!!!!! so plsplsplspspls......post your comments here.......if you come that is haha.........tuck yan said only gay people have blogs......haha, begginning to wonder if he is one himself....

I NEED VIEWERS!!!!!

2004-09-13T03:29:00.000-07:00

i know i never update my blog sigh.....which is why i'm now advertising for my blog!!! where, you say? why, on this blog itself!!!

COME TO LENNARD'S BLOGSPOT!!!! YOU'LL LOVE IT!!!!! ITS ALL ABOUT (drumroll please)........YOU GUESS RIGHT!!! LENNARD!!! ISN'T THAT GREAT?

you're telling me no? and i'm really dumb to advertise it on the blog as no one will come see??? HOW DARE YOU!!! GET OUT OF MY BLOG THIS INSTANT!!! I NEVER WANT TO Se......hold on, come back...please....i need viewers....im really sorry i had erm.....handache....please....dont go.....please......

yo peeps

2004-07-18T02:41:00.000-07:00

well, i may not update my bloggie a lot, so hi again.
sucks, i forgot to bring my english workbook home.
worse, i have an english class on mon....
worst of all, its on the first period.........
never mind about that, i cant always copy....
darn my luck.......well can i say? im a lennard

Dear Blog

2004-07-02T21:40:00.000-07:00

Dear Blog,
Why do i even talk to you. I dont know who you are, where you come from, so why do I still talk to you?
Hmmm...... I discovered that I have some acursed power against computers. It's very freaky, something like magnets. When I went to my friend Tuck Yan's house, his com which had no problems before started hanging. When I was talking to my friend Jeremy on the phone, his whole computer got screwed up. My old com? Lets just say it crashes on a daily basis.
I got a new com, guess how many weeks it took for it to crash? ONE. This is rather a menace.
This are just the tip of the iceberg to what I can do with computers. Hey, blog, can you help me?

Welcome dudes n dudess

2004-07-02T09:29:00.001-07:00

Kz, welcome to my site, i love everyone who visits. feel free to join this blog if u want ( r you can decide its a waste of time and watch barney the purple dinosaur on tv instead). so, if you like my blog, please post your sincere comments. i know it looks kinna empty now, but with your help, you can make a difference in my blog. Isnt that just great?

Love ya'll,
Lennard

Welcome dudes n dudess

2004-07-02T09:29:00.000-07:00